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You're listening with Kevin Clelland...
God Shuffled His Feet
After seven days he was quite tired, so God said: "Let there be a day Just for picnics with wine and bread." He gathered up some people He had made Created blankets, and laid back in the shade The people sipped their wine And what with God there, They asked him questions Like: Do you have to eat Or get your hair cut in heaven? And if your eye got poked out in this life Would it be waiting up in heaven with your wife? God shuffled his feet And glanced around at them The people cleared their throats And stared right back at Him So he said: "Once there was a boy who woke up with blue hair. To him it was a joy 'til he ran out to warm air... He thought of how his friends would come to see Would they laugh, or had he got some strange disease?" God shuffled his feet And glanced around at them The people cleared their throats And stared right back at Him The people sat waiting Out on their blankets in the garden But God said nothing... So someone asked Him, "I beg your pardon. I'm not quite clear about what you just spoke... Was that a parable, or a very subtle joke?" God shuffled his feet And glanced around at them The people cleared their throats And stared right back at Him
Afternoons & Coffeespoons
What is it that makes me just a little bit queasy? There's a breeze that makes my breathing not so easy I've had my lungs checked out with x-rays I've smelled the hospital hallways Someday I'll have a disappearing hairline Someday I'll wear pyjamas in the daytime Times when the day is like a play by Sartre When it seems a bookburning's in perfect order... I gave the doctor my description I've tried to stick to my prescriptions Someday I'll have a disappearing hairline Someday I'll wear pyjamas in the daytime Afternoons will be measured out Measured out, measured with Coffeespoons and T.S. Eliot Maybe if I could do a play-by-playback I could change the test results that I will get back I've watched the summer evenings pass by I've heard the rattle in my bronchi... Someday I'll have a disappearing hairline Someday I'll wear pyjamas in the daytime Afternoons will be measured out Measured out, measured with Coffeespoons and T.S. Eliot Afternoons will be measured out Measured out, measured with Coffeespoons and T.S. Eliot
Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Once there was this kid who Got into an accident and couldn't come to school But when he finally came back His hair had turned from black into bright white He said that it was from when The cars had smashed so hard Once there was this girl who Wouldn't go and change with the girls in the change room And when they finally made her They saw birthmarks all over her body She couldn't quite explain it They'd always just been there Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm But both girl and boy were glad 'Cause one kid had it worse than that 'Cause then there was this boy whose Parents made him come directly home right after school And when they went to their church They shook and lurched all over the church floor He couldn't quite explain it They'd always just gone there Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm Ah Ah Ah Ah
In the days of the caveman
When you go on camping trips You're stuck right out in nature Foraging the forests like a primate Using sharpened tools instead of hotplates Your thumb and forefinger Supposed to show you're not a wild beast You can hear their noises at night time They don't have to keep a certain bedtime See in the shapes of my body Leftover parts from the apes and monkeys Sometimes when I lie awake I hear the rainfall on my tent fly I think of all the insects that are sleeping And wonder if the animals are dreaming See in the shapes of my body Leftover parts from the apes and monkeys In the days of the caveman And mammoths and glaciers Bugs and trees were your food then No pajamas or doctors And when I finally get to sleep I dream in Technicolor Well, I see creatures come back from the ice age Alive and being fed inside a zoo cage See in the shapes of my body Leftover parts from the apes and monkeys In the days of the caveman And mammoths and glaciers Bugs and trees were your food then No pajamas or doctors In the days of the caveman And mammoths and glaciers Bugs and trees were your food then No pajamas or doctors
Swimming in your ocean
When I'm sampling from your bosom Sometimes I suffer from distractions like Why does God cause things like tornadoes and train wrecks? When I'm swimming in When I'm swimming in your ocean Floating aloft on creams And scented lotions I can get pretty side-tracked I hope you'll understand When I kneel before your bounty Sometimes I wonder if there could be really UFOs that come from other planets And when you let me taste your fingers I take them like fruit and as I linger I Wonder if my seed will find purchase in your soil
Here I stand before me
My doctor told me that it was time for me to have my X-ray Of course, I had many nightmares about that fatal day The room was dark and my skeleton was floating on the wall My voice trembles down inside me I'm trapped way down in my body I, I, I, oh here I stand before me But something's out of place here My mind's eye is missing from my body Well I know it's there but I can't see where Well take my fingers, what do fingers really mean to me? You can easily look them up in the dictionary: They call them digits, or technically they're known as the "philanges" My joints connected up inside me Way down deep inside my body My bones shine brightly, a map of my whole body My vital organs just churn away inside me Some day they're going to stop this motion And I'll be left with... My my, the future lay before me Hey hey, deep inside my body
I think I'll disappear now
Running into you like this without warning Is like catching a sniff of tequila in the morning But I'll try, I'll try to keep my food down That's quite an after-taste that you've left now that you're not around You can just pretend we're not in the same room Well, alright, I'll just mosey to the bathroom You flew by like a summer vacation And you left me with TV-movies and a messy kitchen I think I'll disappear now, slip out sideways Just for awhile - but until then I'll stay in and sleep late, excuse me I'll buy a fast car, I'll drive fast from here There's a beach I haven't seen since last year - It's far, but I like night drives; It just makes it nicer when I do arrive Aren't you going to miss me? Aren't you going to even say one thing to me anymore? Well, you can bet that I'll forget how it was then: All the drives to your farm for the weekend ... But I've seen the swimsuit magazines And I've smelled tequila the first thing in the morning
How does a duck know
How does a duck know what direction south is? And how to tell his wife from all the other ducks? You can cut a chicken's head off And it will keep on running and twitching When everything seems planned out When everything seems nicely planned out Well the human race will come and smack your face How come all my body parts so nicely fit together? All my organs doing their jobs, no help from me! A person pulls a spider's leg out To watch it keep on moving and twitching Satan lives here: on grain and earth, rain and air How come I just smoke and smoke and smoke And curse every butt I spit out? All night long I grind my teeth and I wake up when I cough You can put me in an iron lung And I will keep on breathing and twitching
When I go out with artists
When I go out with artists They talk about language and the Cubists and the Dadaists And I try to catch their meanings And keep up with all the martinis I don't know which should be my favorite paintings If I could see, if I could see, if I could See all the symbols, unlock what they mean Maybe I could, maybe I could, maybe I Could meet the artists, and get to know them personally If I were David Byrne I'd go to galleries and not be too concerned Well I would have a cup of coffee And I'd find my surroundings quite amusing and People would ask me which were my favorite paintings What if the artists ran the TV? All the ads would be for fine scotch whiskey: Glenfiddich, Glenlivet, the whole single malt family The artists of the future Will make up new things and different nomenclatures And they'll stand amongst their pictures And they'll sing and laugh and quote from scriptures and When they go home they'll dream of brilliant paintings
The Psychic
She knows the future like the palm in your hand She knows your past like the lay of the land The first time she met me she saw right through me Some cards and a cane in her hand, and she said: All the years that have come to pass And all the years that shall be I see here right before me She said her visions were a bane in her life She could not control them, they kept her up nights I know what you're thinking, I haven't been drinking She knew things that cut like a knife, and she said: All the years that have come to pass And all the years that shall be I see here right before me Will there be earthquakes and great tidal waves? Can she see back to the dinosaur days? How can she foresee just by squinting at me and Can she see me naked in her mind's eye? What does she think when she foretells a disease? Would she keep it a secret if death stood before me? What could some cards hold, where is her foothold Can I escape what she sees? And she said: All the years that have come to pass And all the years that shall be I see here right before me I see here before me
Two Knights and Maidens
Once there were two knights and maidens They'd walk together Out in the gardens In all kinds of weather The knights always pestered the maidens To love them together Out in the gardens And they could watch each other The maidens had other plans for the two knights They'd give them potions And make them see dreams and lights The knights took the potions gladly They laughed at their visions But outside the garden Tigers smelled them together The maidens had other plans for the two knights They'd give them potions And make them see dreams and lights The knights only laughed at the tigers They thought they were visions Out in the garden The maidens watched them together Ah, but for the two knights Ah, but for maidens Who gave to them dreams and lights
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